I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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