hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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