He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
