my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
