What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
