she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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