I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
