Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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