can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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