Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she peed on how many people?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
