Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
