he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
