Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
