What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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