brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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