Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
