I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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