I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
