can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
