I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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