turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
