she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
