please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
