the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
