This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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