She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
