So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
