Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
