I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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