I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
