look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
