it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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