you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
