you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
