thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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