They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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