there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
