It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
