we have pet lesbian snakes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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