I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
