my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
