Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
