I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Alive.
So much puke
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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