A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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