Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
