I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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