So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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