You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
