I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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