She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize