If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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