Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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