I want to make a zoo with you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
