Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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