dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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