my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
