Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
