When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
