last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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