You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
