Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
