I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
