was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dicks are not precious.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
