It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize