She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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