The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
