You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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