i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
