They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
