Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
