fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
