In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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