Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
