The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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