thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
