I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
