I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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