I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
