I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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