Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
