The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
